Managing mum guilt: How to balance self-care and baby care

Mum guilt is a common experience where mothers feel anxious and unhappy whenever not doing something actively for their child. In some cases, it may be present even when they’re doing something for their little one! 

The sentiment behind mum guilt is a feeling that you’re not doing enough for your child, even when you’re giving your all, which can become a problem.

At some point, these mums may stop taking time for themselves in an urge to compensate. Unfortunately, that can have unwanted effects on their own health and quality of life, and to some extent, affect the quality of care they subsequently provide for their children.

This is why it’s important to address mum guilt from the start. Mums also need to know that self-care matters as much as care for their children – and that it’s possible to balance both!

What is mum guilt and why do you experience it?

Mum guilt is the feeling of inadequacy or self-blame many mums feel when they think they’re falling short of the “perfect parent” stereotype. 

Each mum is different, of course, but there are some common triggers:

• Going back to work

• Taking time for self-care

• Not breastfeeding 

• Deviating from traditional parenting standards

• Allowing children to have screentime so mum can have a break

• Believe it or not, social media through mumfluencers!

This guilt is often modulated by societal expectations and the worry about how decisions can affect a child. Many mums tend to focus on negatives while downplaying the positive contributions they make in their everyday actions.

Why is self-care essential?

It’s vital for mums to understand this: self-care is not selfish.

Self-care is vital for maintaining mental health and preventing your own burnout. Stress and anxiety can have negative effects on your parenting, which actually worsens the care you provide to your child. 

When your own well-being is good, you’re in a much better condition to provide what your child needs. You can be present, patient, and tuned in at all times instead of feeling frazzled and tired. 

Think about the quality of your accomplishments when you’re tired versus their quality when you’re well-rested and mentally ready. That’s an illustration of what you can achieve when you care for yourself as well as your little one.

Practical ways to balance self-care and baby care

So, how do you balance self-care with baby care? Here are some tips that might help.

1. Identify the source of the mum guilt

If you know what triggers your guilt, you can manage it better. Is it the return to work after maternity leave or critique from family members? 

Try keeping a journal to track these feelings and develop suitable strategies to cope with each trigger. For instance, if guilt comes from leaving your child at preschool, remind yourself that this helps them build the skills they need!

2. Reframe your mindset on self-care

Self-care isn’t selfish, especially when you recall that it’s necessary for your own well-being. A small moment like you enjoying a cup of coffee before starting the day is something you are absolutely entitled to.

Better yet, it can make a difference by preparing you to help your children with their own routines. So it improves the quality of not just your life, but also theirs.

3. Let go of the idea of being the “perfect parent”

Perfection is impossible, so mums should forget about comparing themselves to it. Nobody can be available 24/7 for their child either – and they shouldn’t be if they want their children to build independence!

So accept that some days will be messier than expected and/or might not go according to plan.

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparison has rarely worked in lifting self-esteem. It’s true even for mums, and it’s particularly dangerous to compare here because every child, parent, and family is different.

Remember that what works for some may not work for yourself or your family. Focus less on perceptions like that and on what’s best for your unique family – with all its individualities and quirks – instead.

5. Build your support system

Here’s something many mums need to remember: you don’t have to do it all alone! Don’t be afraid to ask others for help, whether it’s your partner, other family members, or even a babysitter.

Talk to other mums for advice as well when you feel like you need some. Our own forums here at Mummy Guru could be a good source of both tips and encouragement when you need a little bolstering!

6. Focus on the little wins

Celebrate the small victories. Getting through a rough day, making your child laugh, or enjoying your little 10-minute window of rest that helped you recharge – all of these are wins.

The goal is to learn not to focus so much on the negatives that you forget all of the positives. It’s so important to see that even setbacks can be part of progress. They’re all learning experiences and they’re part of a beautiful journey.

7. Remind yourself to look at the bigger picture

A lot of mums find themselves stuck focusing on micro moments that made them anxious or unhappy. But you always have to ask – how significant was that moment, really, in the bigger picture?

Always remember to have that in sight. Sometimes, you might think you failed your child in some small way, but if you look at the big picture, you might realise that it’s not even something he or she will ever remember compared to your love.

Remember to love yourself so you can love your child better!

Ultimately, mum guilt is challenging but manageable. With the right mindset, you can learn to find balance in your life while also nurturing your little one. 

And above all, remember that you’re not alone. Communities like ours are here to support you through motherhood’s ups and downs — head over to our blog for more tips and parenting advice!